| kthanksbai |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|06:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Last Samurai Soundtrack | ] |
What is marriage really?
What are relationships?
What is truly being happy?
Most would say you have to individually define these things yourself, but yet we all share these emotions that stirr up these feelings/needs/BURDENS. I just dont understand i guess. I feel as though the idea behind marriage is inherently flawed, as we are biologically engineered (as males) to "spread our seed" as best we can, permeating ourselves in every facet of the social atmosophere. We also unconciously seek out those with correct breeding proportions (which is a certain waist/hip ratio) so that we have a better chance of comnception.
While on the other hand women are biologically the exact opposite, have the innate desire to only procreate with those that can "take care of" themselves and any offspring they might inadvertantly produce.
These ancient biologically makeups have now been transformed by our culture, giving males the "manly" image to strive for, which is obviously fucking just about anything we can (in alot of casses, at least), or those with the correct ratio (i.e. those that are HOT). While girls see each as "whores" if they have a number of sexual partners. Moreover, its been proven that girls value looks SIGNIFICANTLY less then guys, and care about "other" things, such as money and power, so that that specific man can take care of their as of yet unconcieved child. This is where the term "golddigger" comes from, which is exemplified best by my pal jamie foxx and kanye WEST. So why should we be ridiculed and stigmatized for our ingrained biological tendencies? Next time you call your friend a "Ditry Whore" for sleeping with a guy, im going the punch you in the uterus and make fun of the fact that you have to fucking blink.
Anyways, like i was saying, relationships...but more specifically marriage, just doenst fit us biologically. How many of your parents are TRULY happy? 30%? 20%...3%?? Not alot most likely, but those who are, i truly do envy. I dont think i will find that sort of compassionate unconditional love, becuase i dont know if it truly exists. We are all such compulsive beings, and 1 night can literraly ruin something as long-lasting as a 30 year marriage. Is the bond that holds a marriage together truly that tenuous? I think not, becuase most of us are good liers.
We are taught from day 1 not to indulge in certian things, but that usually just makes them that much more tempting
I would almost go as far to say that we use relationships/marriage to affirm our sense of self-identity. I mean...who doesnt want to feel wanted...missed...desired...cared for. But are these just illusions? Are we all so self-centered that create a "relationship" just so we can have someone around that can constantly affirm our ideal self-image? How do you define love...actual love. If you are in love, in pure, genuine love, it must be reciprocated to some extent...right? (im not talking creepy stalkerish obsessions with that special someone that we ALL have) Are we really in love with this person...or are we in love with them being in love with us?
Im not writing this to single anyone out, single any gender out, or to highlight my own situation. I am just pointing out simple observances that i have made and then formed into a few jumbled thoughts. As always, any feedback is always great, becuase I'd love to hear what you all think about the subject. |
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| hisupimjake |
[Oct. 7th, 2005|02:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gorillaz | ] |
Well, i was reading some of my old entries, of all of the good times i had last year, of all of the psychological/relatoinship debates we had, and i decided i need to start this back up.
Thats all really, i dont have time to type tonight, since i need to finish my paper up, but writing here seemed to help me cope with life last year, and i think i need this sort of release in my life again.
Lot has happened, I ran that 45,000 painting business, i got to go on a cruise, and I turned 21 last weekend (getting pics online in the next few days).
If you want to check out the most classic post, got to Feb. 28th and all 111 comments : )
Night Bitches |
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| ...Working |
[May. 26th, 2005|10:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | productive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I LOVE MUSE | ] |
I dont know how many more 15 hour days i can take. I seriously work from about 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. virtually every day of the week. Its ridiculous. And there is still shit that I AM NOT GETTING DONE. Like, I have these fucking day planners, where i literally plan out every minute of my day, all the phone calls i have to make, materials i have to pick up, and other things i need to get done. And i still fuck up. Like, i just must have the worst time management skills ever or something. But i guess no matter how you look at it, its pretty fucking difficult to manage a 4 person team for 10 hours a day, pick up materials and shit, do 7 estimates a week (that take about 2 hours, and could be virtually anywhere in Lorain County from Avon Lake to Oberlin), trying to drop around 1500 flyers a week (in GOOD neighborhoods that are hard to FUCKING find becuase everything is aluminum or vinyl siding, and i mostly do wood houses), put out 15 yard signs a week, do 5 hours of door to door cold calling a week, powerwash all of next week of houses that i am doing (which means taking my dads van to drive materials, and powerwashing a house takes anywhere from 1-4 hours), and on top of all this try to keep myself organized!
Meh, but i do like doing it. Its just such a shock, going from college where i have ALL the free time in teh world, to having less then an hour a day. But then again , i like extremes so im dealing with it, plus im making pretty decent money. Matts living here too which is cool, but i never get to fucking see him or jesse...or any of my friends for that matter...I miss you guys :(
I will put some pics of soon of a $4200 job we just completed, turned out pretty good. |
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| Illusion of Control |
[May. 14th, 2005|02:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Burning Vegas | ] |
Im in such a weird mood tonight. First of all, im completely wore out from working 12 hour days. I was seriously falling asleep at like 10 every night. Speaking of which, i have to get up in 3 hours to drive all the way to Dayton for a one hour meeting...fun. Ummmmmm....so ya, Student Painters is actually going really well, i have 4 kids hired and hopefully Matt will come down and make it 5. We finished a $2750 job and it was cool, since i over estimated materials by a 150 bucks lol. Also, I estimated that it would take 73 hours to complete, and it took the crew 74. So at least im doing my estimates pretty well.
Anyways, I went to the odeon in cleveland tonight to see burning vegas play, and that was pretty fun. It was basically me and all the way hot keystone girls :). But unfortunatly one person there was being completely obnoxious, and i seriously couldnt even stand to look at her, she's just become so pathetic, and not who i once thought she was...sad. But tonight just left me feeling so empty, and right now im still trying to figure out why, hence the reason im not getting enough sleep to let me make the 3 hour drive to dayton tommorow (thank got my mom got a 4 back of red bull /w00t). Ya, then ill go to the hour long meeting..and drive home another 3 hours...real fucking cool.
Honestly, what the hell is with me and girls. The more i use introspection to try to understand my motivations, and discover what i realy want, the less i come away from the situation with. Its so fucking frustrating anymore. I have come to the conclusion that i dont make sense, and i really cant predict what is giong to happen. Its the situation that shapes my actions, and everyone else's for that matter. For example, im sure andrea didnt plan on breaking up with kyle, but the right situation just presented itself in her life, and she reacted the only way she could. This sort of elimites the idea of free will, becuase given the same situation again, different decisions could not have been made. Her internal cognitions that balanced out the gains and losses of making a certain decision would still occur the same way (due to the strong role of the environment in her decision making process), and therefore the same decision would always be made. That struggling process you have with making a decision isnt you trying to decide what you want to do (since that is basically determined as soon as the too options are presented for you) but instead you trying to understand why you are making a certain choice. What if your entire life is like this? just a complex series of decisions that your environment and personal schemas, instead of your "free will", has control over? Kind of like a psuedo-fate? What if the biologically schemas (which are the ways you indivually process certain types of information that are both built into you biologically when you are born, and develop and become concrete/virtually unchangeable as you grow and learn) have been making the decisions for you all along, and the idea of free-will is just a shema that you created so that you have the illusion of control and can preserve your ideal self image? Moreover, you have schemas for every type of situation, and they are what allow you to react so quickly your constantly changing environment. Now knowing this, isnt it easier to understand how things like stereotypes and discrimination exist? They are learned schemas towards a certain group of people. Now lets think of what forms these schemas. Not YOU, but instead the impact of peers, parents, environment, and the indivudual biological structure of your brain. Then WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, really, besides a product of others and your environments? Where does this theory leave room for the soul, or for the idea of love, or any semblance of a personality for that matter? Please give me a reason why this is not right, besides joking and say GOM god loves me and gave me a soul!....or something stupid along those lines. Just back up what you say
Therefore, its futile to try to plan out what you, or me, are going to do in certian situations (with girls, for this example), becuase nothing ever goes according to plan. There is no way for one to control every aspect of their environment, and henceforth it is impossible to control the outcome of even one single hour of your life. Randomness is what makes life worth living though.
Wow...kind of got off on a tangent there. But basically i guess that is my world few. I guess im just sick of trying to make things happen the way i want them too, and i need to learn to adapt to situations. Haha on teh way home beth was just saying how i always get myself into ridiculous/perfect situations with girls (...meh, maybe perfect in her eyes) but they always seem to hurt the person i care about the most about. It doesnt seem fair. For example, this situation occured tonight, and i could have really hurt said person. Fortunatly, i kept control of myself (due to weighing pros + cons vs. the situation, sounds shitty, but thats really what we all do) and nothing happened.
This took me way to long to fucking write...so i hope you all read it! |
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| I do miss the conversations with V-Money |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|12:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kenshin Soundtrack | ] |
c h e n z o200 3: he failed out of college a coulpe times beacuse of beer and pot
c h e n z o200 3: then he went back once as a machine
c h e n z o200 3: all he did was study
c h e n z o200 3: he told me his daily routine once
c h e n z o200 3: it made me sick
c h e n z o200 3: seriously
D r i Z Z t 20 2: haha
D r i Z Z t 20 2: what did he do?
D r i Z Z t 20 2: i want to hear
c h e n z o200 3: nothing besides study
c h e n z o200 3: and they would cook meals for the whole week on sunday
c h e n z o200 3: and wrap them in plastic wrap and freeze them
D r i Z Z t 20 2: ....sounds exciting
c h e n z o200 3: so they could reheat them and eat them durring the week
c h e n z o200 3: saturday and sunday he would study like 8 hours a day
c h e n z o200 3: and durring the week it was like classes plus 6 hours of studying
D r i Z Z t 20 2: wow
D r i Z Z t 20 2: did he hate his life
c h e n z o200 3: he had like four hours of free time on saturday
c h e n z o200 3: the end
D r i Z Z t 20 2: LOLOL
D r i Z Z t 20 2: haha
c h e n z o200 3: i think emotions such as love and hate died along with his drug addictions
D r i Z Z t 20 2: HADFOIAJDFOIAJFOAJI
D r i Z Z t 20 2: LOLOLOLOLOL
To leave these lolling shores...
D r i Z Z t 20 2: Emily..uhh..i dont get it?
D r i Z Z t 20 2: why the hell are those shoes LOLling? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|09:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I dont even LIKE music | ] |
So this weekend was pretty wild, considering not alot of people have really ever made the drive to come up and visit me. Well, it turned out that 7 of my best friends came up this weekend, Ian, Kyle, Vince, Kevin, Marie, Stacey, and Andrea were here and it was great. It was such a nice weekend too, the weather was great. Kyle, Ian, and Andrea didnt get here until almost midnight on friday night, and I had to get up at 7 to go to Paint Training in Dayton, so that was horrible. Everyone's like stay up! screw it paint training, but that would have been a horrible idea. Speaking of Student Painters, i now have $10,700 booked for this summer, so i met my original preseason goal, which is amazing. Um but ya, everything is just a blur because the weekeend went by so fast.
I took Kevin around the campus most of the day Saturday, and stopped at a BBQ at my RA's house from last year. Almost my entire corridorr was there from last year so it was good to catch up with all of them. I actually played cornhole too, after denouncing that game as the worst thing college contributed to my life. But it was alot of fun, and me and Kevfo went undefeated 4 games ina row. Saturday night Vince, Stacey, and Marie came up, and we went to eat at Phan Shin. Then we played kings in the room, and went out to Skippers for a few hours, with everyone from here.
Ian, Andrea, and kyle hung around till 5 on saturday, and just played WoW. Overall it was a great weekend, but i have so much shit to do this week, in so little time. I also need to register tommorow at 7, and i havent even started to look up classes.
Thats all i really have, no important philosophical points for this week. |
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| This is getting serious |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|12:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Outkast - Bombs over Baghdad | ] |
The only thing that really excites me anymore is world of warcraft. Im not even remotly joking. This was the first weekend of the entire year that i didnt go out. I plan my days around this game. Haha its sad, My happiness = WoW's server status + the amount of caffeine in my body. There is nothing more epic/awesome then running through a 3 hours dungeon w/ 14 other people and arriving at the last boss, with it being up to you to keep the entire group alive so that we can hope to get an awesome drop. Especially w/ Matt playing right next to me, its so funny, he brings alcohol on the raids (in game alcohol) and pounds it until his screen goes literally fuzzy, his character is slurring his words and adding a ...hic! at the end, and cant even walk a straight line. Then we just put on some music, order some delicous food, and have a fun fucking 3 hours. Well...lol last night it was more like 6. I
m really convinced that ANYONE would love this game too, considering we have two girls in our hall that are both completely addicted as well. One (Tillie) already has a 40 lvl character, and the other (Kristina) would always bitch about how she didnt want to/didnt have enough time to play. Then one day she said she just woke up and was like...i had an urge to play WoW. Two hours later she was like wow...now i can see how you guys can just sit here and play this game all day...lol. It also helps that a total of around 15 people in my hall play as well
Besides that school is going ok, and student painters is going well too. I have $5800 of work booked for the summer already, an im coming home this weekend, if anyone wants to hang out, give me a call
Our dorm room door: http://public.fotki.com/Jakiss/college!!/second_semester/img_0907.html |
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| As Maddox would say: If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong. |
[Feb. 28th, 2005|02:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Eminem - Drug Ballad | ] |
Girls are one big fucking contradiction. Hence the reggression of my attitude. Apparantly, i had it right before when i was in highschool.
" Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot...who calls you back when you hang up on him...who will stay awake just to watch you sleep...wait for the boy who kisses your forehead...who holds your hand in front of his friends...one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares...and how lucky he is to have you.."
After i saw this in someone's profile...i responded:
D r i Z Z t 20 2: whenever a guy does the things that you are talking about in your profile, the girl gets board
D r i Z Z t 20 2: girls really dont care about that, and i just dont understand why they pretend they do?
D r i Z Z t 20 2: they want a challenge, thats the biggest thrill. Hence the reason that girls like dicks, who fuck with their heads constantly. This is what everything revolves around.
D r i Z Z t 20 2: thats why girls get in bad relationshiops where guys treat them like shit
D r i Z Z t 20 2: and they stay in them...becuase the REALLY want to make the guy like them. They live off of the emotional high that is created from the uncertainty of the relationship, wondering if he feels the same insabstantial feelings towards her that she unwittingly created and told her self she feels towards him(this can then be called "love" by the girls) It goes back and forth, and the girl ends up in a masochistic state after a certain amount of time having to deal with of all this shit, and come to the conclusion that all guys suck!
D r i Z Z t 20 2: so dont say thats what you want, becuase no girl is ever happy with that kind of relationship.
D r i Z Z t 20 2: that type of guy is the girls best friend, who they bitch to about how much of an ass there boyfriend is, when the guy is inadvertantly borderline obsessed with them
D r i Z Z t 20 2: why do they do this?, becuase they love the constant drama/pain that they thrive off of
D r i Z Z t 20 2: meanwhile...the best guy friend is in love with the girl, but he never wins, he cries to himself every night about how much he likes said girl...
D r i Z Z t 20 2: THEREFORE, he literally loses all hope of you liking him(which is then generalized to every girl in his mind), and STOPS CARING. He then turns into what you call "a dick" (aka your real ideal guy) to get what he wants, and he of course hurts some different girl, its a continium that will never end.
D r i Z Z t 20 2: the chain continues, and noone says that they are completely happy. But in reality, they are more content then they would be with the hypothetical fairy tale relationship. They whine about how all guys are dicks, and how they want to find that special guy that will treat them like they are the center of the world. Guess the fuck what, you dated him a few months ago, and broke up with him for most likely a stupid reason, but why did you really? you were board, and you won, he liked you now. Now this guy still calls you time and time again and laugh with your friends about how crazy he is. Sound familiar? How can you all be so blind to what is really happening becuase more often then not this is reality. Definatly not in all cases, but thats not my point.
D r i Z Z t 20 2: ...can you see this at all?
All I am saying is that i want to stop reading the bullshit about how all guys are dicks and dont give a shit about girls. Guess what, you created the scenario through your fickle attitude towards guys and relationships. Now fucking deal with it and stop crying to each other about how your "better then all of this" and you "understand" how guys are. Go have you guy bashing sessions though, and justify your actions with inane (no i didnt misspell insane) arguemnts, becuase i know that its the only way you can reduce the dissonance within yourself and conserve your ideal self image (psych pwns, make me understand lot of this more)
This really has basically nothing to do with my situation either, im just so frustrated and angry with the things i see giong on around me lately. Sorry Jeremy :( |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|02:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Something Corporate - Konstantine | ] |
Fuck this song, it makes me feel so uneasy/weird/sad, it always has. I just downloaded all of the Something Corporate songs i lost when my hardrive got wiped a few weeks ago. I also really love their song hurricane, its amazing as well. I seriously dont know what it is about this song though, because no other song has ever made me feel this way.
Something Corporate
Konstantine
I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand
All the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big... dreams
it's always you and my big dreams
And you tell me
That it's over
But i can't stand here in a patch of four leaf clover
And your restless
And I'm naked
You've got to get out
You can't stand to see me shaking
no, áould you let me go
and you don't want to be here in the future
So you say
the present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past
And you don't want to look much closer
'Cause you're afraid to find out all the hope
That you had sent into the sky by now had... crashed
and it did because of me
And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live
And I had dreams that i would learn to play guitar
Maybe cross the country
Become a rockstar
And there was hope in me
That I could take you there
But dammit you're so young
But I don't think I care
and if I hurt you then i'm sorry
It's just this guilt has got the best of me
And then you bring me home
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone, no
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live
Konstantine came walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good
Standing in her underwear?
And i've been thinking, and i've thinking, no
But she's been drinking
And it doesn't get me anywhere
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that I could do
Was touch her long blond hair
And i was thinking, what i was thining ya know
we've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere
This is because I can spell konfusion with a K
It's hard to like it
It's to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
But this time i'm alone, and i don't see those stars
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said
what you thought this song meant
you thought this song meant
And if this is what it takes
just to lie in my mistakes
and live with what I did to you
And all the things i put you through
I always catch the clock it's 11:11
And now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
They'll never hurt you like I do
No, They'll never hurt you like I do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No
This is to a girl who got into my head
with all these pretty things she did
Hey Baby, You know that you keep me up in bed
It's to a girl who got into my head
with all the fucked up things I did
Hey Maybe Baby, You could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine
Spin Around me like a Dream
We played out on this movie screen
And i said, did you know I missed you
Did you know I missed you
Did you know I missed you
Did you know I missed you
Did You know i miss you
Did you know i miss you
Did you know i miss you
God, I miss you
And then you bring me home
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no,
And you'll kiss me in your living room, oh
And you see, no, that i've been missing in my Living room
Cause this is what i miss, what i miss
We don't have much room
I said, does anyboy need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live
My Konstantine |
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| Over |
[Feb. 22nd, 2005|10:20 am] |
Returning to my roots!! Had enough of what i created for myself.
Matt and I are starting the NeRF Girls club, ask about entry :)
Life is too short. |
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| Student Painters own'd me |
[Feb. 21st, 2005|08:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Muse - Butterflies and Hurricanes | ] |
So my goal of running a $45,000 business this summer is looking more and more realistic. I went home and friday, and worked about 7 hours on Saturday, about 7 on Sunday, and 3 on Monday identifying good neighborhoods and Marketing in them. I put out 25 yards signs and 700 or so flyers all over Elyria, Grafton, and North Ridgeville. I also cold called with Kevin and Josh (which is just giong door to door) and we ended up getting 6 estimates already. They are now cold calling for me for about 12 hours a a week, and its awesome becuase the company pays them! So thats a huge bonus. Its ridiculous how many papers/forms and shit i have. Organization is killing me here, i have a accordian folder with 13 sections filled with Student Painter papers. Im so fucking wore out though...two weeekends in a row of student painter stuff killed me.
Last weekend I went to Detroit Michigan for a training session, and there were about 70 other kids there from Michigan, Ohio, Illinois, and Pennsylvania. So ya, that was a 5 hour drive, and training went from 7 a.m to 6 p.m. both Saturday and Sunday. Ya....10 hours of driving + 22 hours of training + 10 hours of total sleep = bad idea. I didnt get back to Miami I think i failed my stats test on Monday too, i had virtually no time to study.
Well, besides all that shit, life is definatly good. Everything is going well for me right now, well except for my lame Stats class. But, stats is always lame, as everyone knows. This weekend i went to play ITG in macedonia on Saturday w/ Kevfo, Mitch, Ian, Kyle, Andrea, and Tom, and that was way fun. Then on Saturday we all went to see Constaintine. I dont really know how i feel about this movie, i mean, i guess it was ok? But hey, where else can you see Keanu Reaves flick of THE DEVIL (played by an ambiguosly gay actor) on his way TO HEAVEN. Only to have the devil get FUCKING PISSED and rip Keanu's LUNG CANCER out of his LUNGS (Spoiler Alert). And yes, caps were neccesary to highlight the ridiculouslness of that situation.
I was thinking, life is probably going to suck after college. Like, it feels so good to be back. Not that i didnt have an awesome time w/ all my friends from home this weekend. But i just love being surrounded by some of my best friends 24/7, its just too great. |
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| ONE BIG SCREW-UP |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|11:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Encore - LP + JZ | ] |
megsoccer99: lol, its not just this, its your entire life
megsoccer99: your life is one big screw-up
megsoccer99: need i remind you of all youve done wrong to the female gender????
Thanks Megan...I love you too!
So my life is one big screw up...sweet. Well i guess it has been pretty crazy lately.
I have completly taken a reverse role in all my relationships though. I used to be the dick, the one who didnt ever fucking care about they people I dated, and the one who would always hurt them. I never let myelf get attached. Now, i get attached really fast, and people seem to like screwing me over. I now know what its like to be "promised things" that never happen. i feel like a whinny little girl! Karma is a bitch, or so i have heard...and now experienced. I guess I have been trying to recapture what I had w/ Trish...well at least in the begining of the relationship, when things werent completely fucked up, and i have been looking for it in all the wrong places for it.
I know its wednesday already...but this past weekend was amazing. There was a Heaven and Hell party at Pike on friday...w/ black lights and red lights and craziness...and hot girls dressed in skimpy devil and angel outfits and run-on sentences like this one... Then on saturday, DU had a rave party that was fucking ridiculous. There was like paint all over the walls that you could only see under black lights. So, as you guessed, there were black lights everywhere. It was nuts, people were just rubbing the paint all over each others bodies, and i dont know if you have heard the rumors about "Miami" but the majority of the girls here are reallly fucking hot. So half naked girls with only their bare skin glowing flourecent green = winz.
Thats all, except for that fact that i am in a really weird mode tonight. I cant really describe it. Uhh...oh ya, i saw royal tenembaums last night, what a funny movie! And tommorow is my first test, its in Poli Sci 271, which is my international politics class. Its all essay based, so im not really too worried about it.
Oh, and i got level 50 in World of Warcraft, and it only took me 12 days of playtime :) What is that...288 hours?
Its getting to the point that i now more people who play, then who dont play...
Bye |
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| Progression |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|05:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | mischievous | ] |
As I sat in class today and reflected on my life i realized something very important. The past five weeks have been the most fucked up/crazy/insane/random weeks of my life. There is really no other way to describe it. So much shit has happened, its been ridiculous. My state of emotional well being, as well as how i feel about a specific girl, at a specific time, has fluctuated between more states in the past five weeks with the girls i have been with then over the last two years of my life, easily. It has just been insane. I guess this was what college was supposed to be like last year. There are 5 distinct...completely different situations that happened, and they each made me feel a different way. I guess i just cant believe, now that i look back, it all happened in just 5 short weeks. IM me if you want to know more about it...
Best part of the day, Matt, Kristina, and I went to Kofenya, and Matt being a rogue, pilfered a piece of chocolate. So the guy asks if there is anyting else that we want to buy, and Matt replies by saying "sorry dont have any money, so I am just giong to take what i want" It was like the guy just ignored the last half of the sentence lol. So ya, that was great. Then he asks Kristina if she wants a piece, she replies with a no, and he's like, "what...are you legit now?!" |
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| Techno Techno Techno! |
[Jan. 29th, 2005|03:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sandstorm - Darude | ] |
So, the techno party was way fucking sweet. On the way there Dan and Dan got in a random snow ball fight, which was hilarous. Louis would like wait on the side of the street for Adourno, pelt him with 4 snowballs, run up the street giggling, and then repeat this. Haha...and as we were leaving Dan keeps yelling up to this appartment that was having a party that 233 sucks (which was the number of said appt) over and over again. They arent really hearing i guess...so he runs all the way up the stairs, opens the door, then screams in the room "YOU FUCKERS IN 233 SUCK AT EVERYTHING!" Then runs away, while falling and hitting his knee Funniest. Thing. Ever.
Once we got to the party at uptown girls, Dan walks in ahead of Randy (Randy's the one who knows the girl who lives here, who's name is Laura) and is like "I KNOW LAURA" to some random girl. Well, it just so happens to be that the girl who he was talking to, WAS Laura, so that was pretty hilarous. Then Laura gave all of us "special uber wrist bands" so that we could get drinks. Special uber wrist bands = pipe cleaners (or to be politically correct, shaneal stems). So we get beer and stuff, and then dance to Techno music for like 14 fucking hours. They had like a million colored lights, special effects, and fog. I was sweating so much, but it was definatly a good time. I swear there were so many people, the floor of the house was moving up and down. Then these three girls were like...you want to go on a walk? I was like....uhh sure. So then they walked me back to Brandon, while i talked to the hottest one the whole time about how we got our appendixes out! Ya, interesting night
So i was thinking, they say you regret most what you dont do, and thats definatly true. I am never usually shy in social situations, but Miami has definatly instillled a sort of shyness into me. When i am surrounded by ridiculously gorgeous girls, i cant help but get nervous. I really need to be more aggressive about it though. I mean, i look back, and its like, wow, there was that really hot girl i was staring out, i should have asked her to dance! Now, im like damn, why didnt I, or like why didnt i take this opportunity to do this or that. Like the Hot girl i walked back with for example, Gretchen, she's from Cinci so ill never see her again. I was like here's my dorm!, hugged her, and left. I am a complete wuss around gorgeous girls. But, if she was just average...i might have handled the situation diferently. The worst is when the opposite of this happens, when you get drunk, and just dont fucking care. But ya, my new goal is to be more outgoing towards people i dont know
Well, im falling asleep at my compuer, so im voting for bed....night |
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| I = teh Suck |
[Jan. 29th, 2005|12:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pain - Jimmy Eat World | ] |
There is nothing that i have done, or that has happened to me in the past 2 weeks that i even want other people to read about. Quite frankly, i fucking suck.
Ever notice all of the random ignorant, stupid shit written on the bathroom walls? For example...
"I got my Mom Pregnant" "Get a Hippie Drunk" "Cocaine over Women" "Save those Funky Wales" "Kill Gays" "Fuck your Pets" "My Balls are longer then my Dick (with picture, of course)" "To Rape is Inconsiderate, to Seduce is Heavenly"
"Freshman Hoes and Sophomore Sluts" "I fucked my girlfriend today" and below that... "what a coincidence, so did I!" and the list just continues...
Well, im going to go watch Full Metal Alchemist with Kristina and Joe, because that series is fucking amazing. We are on episode 37 out of 51. There is also a "Japenese Party" today at 4, with Catered food from China One, Judo People, and DDR I guess. I must go, my friends are yelling at me... |
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| Completly Depressed for no Complete Reason |
[Jan. 19th, 2005|10:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Natural Anthem - The Postal Service | ] |
I hate the way I am. I realize that I am being irrational about everything, and that I shouldnt feel this way, but I do. I need to take my life one step at a time, and stop building things up in my head. I need to relax. I have had a nervous/sick feeling in my stomach for the past 4 hours, becuase of a number of things. I cant help this, and it drives me crazy. I do this all the time. I need to stop being so dependent on others and letting the way they treat me affect entirely how i feel. I need to not jump to conclusions. I need to work harder at school. I need to stop putting things off.
I needed to make this post. If you dont understand anything i just said...thats fine, i just needed to get things out.
Maybe thats why i play video games so much? I dont think about anything when i am playing. but as soon as i sit down to do soemthing else, everything always hits me at once.
I dont want to be as stressed out and worried as my mom is all the time when i get older. |
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| On Hold |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|12:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | geeky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams | ] |
As i sit here while the servers are down I am really contimplating how much this game is ruling my life. Nothing has ever been this bad before, as far as addictiveness goes, and its not just me. Everyone who plays this game (which is virtually ALL of my friends, at home and at college) are completley obessesed. Its all anyone does anymore! I mean, its the topic of over half of my conversations. But as Matt put it last night...the game is better then real life in every way possible lol. We are also saying its the most revolutionary thing since Nintendo (as far as what its doing to everyone)
I mean, how ridiculous is it that my mom calls me 5 days before my brothers birthday freaking out, saying she needs to know what kind of computer Josh needs to play the game. She basically told me that none of his friends talk to him anymore, or want to do anything, becuause they are all playing WoW all the time.
This Weekend Josh's friend Tom stayed up for 72 hours straight playing the game. From Friday morning until Monday monring, basically all he did was play. Matt was up with him, and told him to get off, becuase Tom said he was shaking so hard he couldnt type, and that he was hearing his mom call his name, when she was actually asleep. After two days of no sleep you show the signs of being legally drunk. So not good. Kyle tells me all he thinks about at work is what he is giong to do when he goes home and plays. Ian lost his life completely, and sleeps during the day and plays at night. Corridor converstatoins consists of discussing such things as raids on towns to prices gotten at the auction house (which is worse then EBAY) on goods manufactured by the guilds blacksmiths, alchemists, armorcrafters, engineers and such.
On better note...i didnt really play that much this weekend myself, and went out 2 of the 3 nights. Going to a party and Ashley's apartment on friday (which i saw Porter and Sully at, which was surprising) where i learned how to finally play Euchre and that penis guns never run out of water... On sunday I first went out to dinner uptown at Phan Shin with Ashely, Tillie, Matt, Jeremy, and Randy. Then, I went over to AEpi for a huge party they had, which was alot of fun, and ended up in the Attic playing Beer pong. So, i was playing with this girl named Emily who seemed like your average hot, kind of stuck up Miami girl, wearing stilletos, dress pants, w/ a Louis Vuitton purse. I was sucking really bad but this girl was a pro, and then the most unexpected thing ever happened. I dont know how we got on the topic, but i think she brought up Zelda, which is my favorite game ever, and in my drunken stupor i freaked out after she told me that she played through Ocarina of Time 7 times. So obviously, i could not let this girl down haha. So it was down to 1 cup each and I sank my last shot, only to hear Emily say, "Well obviously, they lost just becuase they dont play Zelda" Good fucking Point lol.
Then i fucking sprinted from AEpi to Ashleys appt becuase it was so cold. I honostly couldnt feel anything after i got there. I actually walked into the entirly wrong appt complex...and was sitting here knocking on room 312, probably freaking out the people inside. I was really baffled though when on the phone asheley tells me that her door is open... I was like impossible, so i knocked harder. So then i had to brave the Tundra again to get to Ashely's real appt, not the fake one. So i stayed over there cuddling/talking to Ashely all night, which was awesome. I hope everything works out with her, because I really like her and dont want to see her get hurt again.
So it was definatly a awesome weekend overall, and its great to be back in Oxford. |
|
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| I Fucking Love This Song |
[Jan. 13th, 2005|01:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Postal Service - Nothing Better | ] |
THE POSTAL SERVICE LYRICS
"Nothing Better"
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave
So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye
I'm very happy right now....:) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2005|07:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Postal Service - Nothing Better | ] |
So, people say that the weather has a big influence on your mood, and at least for me, this deinfatly 100% true. Today was the nicest day we have had in over a month, and it was great. I was just in one of those high off life moods for the entire day. Ya, it soulds corny, but it was definatly a great day. I had class from 10-2 today, then i came home, made some phone calls and shit, then lifted and ate at harris, teh best dinning hall ever. Classes are giong ok, nothing to interesting or great, just sucked that i had to buy a 50 cent piece of electronic equipment for 30.95 cents. It's a clicker (a completely ingenious device that will completely revolutionize the way classes are taught at college...ahem) and it lets you click in annswers to shit. Cool.
Matt brought up a good point yesterday that i thought was interesting. He was sayhing how we are almost the exact same person except that he is extremely introverted with his feelings and im at the opposite spectrum being completely extraverted with mine. I just thought that its werid, seeing how we view the world, people's feelings, thoughts, motivations, and basically everythign the same way, but have a completely different way to expressing/presenting ourselves to others.
Uh im really kind of sick of all these random quotes in people's profiles that are so meaningfull and aplicable to so many facets of a person's life. So, i decided to write the ultimate quote, choosing love as my topic, that will beat all other quotes. "So like, the only true way to like know that your really, and i mean, REALLY IN LOVE is when you see pretty stars fall from the sky. BUT, they must land in third world country's and transmute barren soil into food and water for the underprivaledged inhabitants. Only your love can do that! But hehe this is only in a literall, not real, very tangible, pseudo-cute sense! hehe. But dont become confused, you dont want the stars to actually hit you silly! That would burn a hole in your head, and despite what some specialists say, thast not really love! Instead, you want the burning to take place inside your heart, and on rare special occasions your ovaries! Tehehe!"
This better be a good weekend, and with the plans that have been made so far :) it should be...
The End |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|05:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Eminem - Mockingbird | ] |
You know what the worst idea is? Cramming 30 hours of community service into one week. Just not a very good idea. But, i mean i brought it all on myself, waiting until the last minute as usual. I just got back from the Methodist home, i was there today for a total of 7.5 hours. Organizing books. Talking to the inept elderly. And as a result of those two, thoroughly enjoing being alive. The only good part about it is i get a free lunch, and 2 days ago when i was there i sat and talked to Erika Klink, who i havent seen in forever, for like an hour. You know something that really bothers me though? This might sound stupid, but sharing a bathroom there with all the old people. Like, i dont know if someone was just in their emptying their cathetar or somethig in their, or if they couldnt "control thieir bowls" (lame excuse) and just releaved themselves all over the floor, where im standing!! Just a thought.
New Years was pretty fun, i guess. It started at around 6 p.m when Matt asked me what i was doing. I siad i was just giong to a party at my friend Shannons house. Well Matts like uhh...do you care if i drive up? WTF, random. But ya definatly glad he came. He got here around 10, and we stoped at Brians appt. so Matt could meet the self proclaimed ruler of Grafton. Then we went to Shannons, which was crazy, there were too many little kids. The Pinata was interesting, and so was the drunk,fat, disproportional, ugly 15 year boy siging and touching himself to "im not that innocent" by B. Spears. OH yeah, he probably had down symdrom too. I also accidently threw a beed necklace, and through some will of God the necklace cut the blinds that hang over full length windows in half! (sorry Shannon) You could even make out the outline where the beads and string were. THEN, i got way to drunk, and everyone was like, fuck this party, we are giong to go to ians and play WoW. Cool. So i woke up scared and alone on Shannons couch scared and alone, at like 12 oclock, and the house was all cleaned up. I was so dizzy, so i decided to drive with Shannons to McDonalds. Mind you, i coudlnt even see teh menu, so i began to get nervous, and just orded a number "1" to play it safe. I was to scared to drive home, due to the dizzyness (i barely made it to MickyD's, so Matt, Iand, and Kyle drove out to get me, while i passed out in the front seat of my car in teh parking lot. SO, that about sums up new years. It was cool though, becuase Matt ended up staying until tuesday, so we just hung out and played video games.
Well since i told you what the worst thing ever was, i bet your dying to know waht the best this was/is? Probably hooking 5 computers up at my house to play WoW over LaN. granted, it took us (us meaning Matt) 6 hours, 3 phonecalls to the "foreign lady", and 7 Mountain Dews to get the the network up and fucking running. But around 3:00 a.m. when it was finally up, all was precious. Aeriesune, Dextros, Ianslamin, Shadieal, and Luthien (Me, Kyle G, Ian, Tom, and Matt) played until 11:00 a.m., took a 5 hour nap, then played into night on sunday. Probably the best idea we ever had. It was so much fun to be in a five person group with all of them, us just yelling back and forth and eatch other to do shit, having random dance parties, killing murlocs loljiodjoidoijaij, killing each other, and dont forget , making fun of everyone else.
Link to pics: http://public.fotki.com/Jakiss/college!!/random_college_4/ They are at the end of the folder
On a more serious note WoW is ruining my life. Its not funny, all i think about/care about doing is playing that game. Oh, and its not just me, everyone who plays it just gets completely consumed. Its the most perfect game that is out right now, and i advise you all to not start playing it, if you want to have rl (real life) friends |
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